dear you: buy these cookies

If there’s one thing I pride myself on, it’s my ability to discern a quality chocolate chip cookie. They say it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert in something, and I won’t say that I’ve eaten 10,000 cookies in my lifetime but I also won’t say that I haven’t. No other dessert approaches the divine experience of a good (emphasis on the good) chocolate chip cookie, and I will stand by that aphorism until the day I die.

I make chocolate chip cookies more often than I would like to admit, and I made them a litttttttle too much in college (hello incredible weight gain). They were so good that my roommates would bribe me to make them by paying for the ingredients. After I made them, they would last two days tops.

Now that I’m married to a man who doesn’t have a sweet tooth (at least not one as intense as mine) and prefers fruit flavors to chocolate, I’ve cut down on how much I make them just for the sake of my waistline and heart health. Maybe someday when we have a billion giant children with the appetite of a thousand hippos, I’ll resume my frequency of years past. Until then, I must refrain—otherwise I’ll just end up eating them all myself.

But this post is not about chocolate chip cookie recipes or tips on making them. I’ll get to that magic later. Right now we’re talking about the best chocolate chip cookies money can buy. We’re not talking about no Chips Ahoy crap or grocery store chocolate chip. We’re talking about the heavy duty, full-on beauty of a cookie so good that you could never make it at home, so you just give the bakery all your money and weep at the deliciousness.

1. Chip Cookies

First on the list is Chip Cookies, which is based in Utah. They are the O.G. cookie delivery service in Utah (shame on you, Crumbl), and no other copycats can rival their brilliance. If you like cookies that are lightly crispy on the outside and so dense on the inside that it’s almost like eating cookie dough, eat. this. cookie.

They’re open late, so you can have them delivered literally right to your doorstep with milk if you live in a delivery zone. For those who live far beyond that, they have nationwide shipping. I would invest in that if I were you.

Part of the beauty of Chip is that they only have two cookie options (similar to In-n-Out—the less choices you have, the happier you’ll be with the one you make). One option is the classic chocolate chip, and the other is a monthly special. Sometimes they mix in Lucky Charms. Sometimes they have cookie butter centers. It’s always a good time.

2. Levain Bakery

Levain Bakery hails from New York City, so that should immediately tell you something since New York operates on a different level of food than the rest of us. I first heard about Leavain Bakery when I was visiting my cool cousin in New York.

Her roommate was a model who worked clubs during the night, and she was basically a mannequin of thinness. “If you try one thing in New York,” she told me in her very cool model voice. “Go to Levain Bakery. They have the best cookies I’ve ever had.” I knew that if someone as beautiful as her made space in their diet to eat something as sinful as a cookie from Levain Bakery, they must certainly be good.

So I got myself on the subway and found the bakery. It was underground and looked small, but after I walked down the steps and opened the door, I was floored by the overwhelming scent of the essence of cookies. They sat upon their racks, rows and rows of them, like little mounds of gold. Each one probably weighs five pounds. And they are the grittiest, densent, butteriest things you can imagine. I recommend every flavor they have.

Every time I visit New York City, I cart a few home to give to people and munch on for myself. It’s basically like bringing back a bag of bricks, but they are delicious bricks that you will gladly assimilate to your body because they taste soooooooooooo good.

3. Jack Jack’s Cookie Num Nums

If you’re any fan of Disney whatsoever, you are familiar with the term “Jack Jack’s Num Nums.”

Disney, being the ultimate master of user experience that it is, brought these cookies to life in California Adventure. They sell them right by the Incredicoaster for a price that I will not mention because it will probably stifle your appetite. But no matter.

I will admit that much of my love for these cookies comes from that fact that whenever you eat them, you are in the happiest place on Earth, and you’re also remembering one of the most precious and hilarious moments in the Incredibles 2 movie.

That said, they definitely get high marks on the taste meter as well. They taste like pizookies with a toasted grittiness complemented by melted chocolate and come in what I can only describe as large muffin tins. Treat yourself to a Disney vacation and eat these. You won’t be sorry.

If I haven’t sold you on the nums nums yet, my hairdresser, who is famous in my family for her good recommendations, says they’re the best cookies she’s ever had.

Honorable Mentions

What’s the best chocolate chip cookie you’ve ever had? Please tell me. I’m always looking to expand my expertise and add new chocolate chip cookies to my repertoire.

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